Explosions in Middle Earth
by crazed spyromaniac
Summary: Its the night before the greatest journy of Frodo's life... Too bad he encounters the most terrible sight in his life. See what happens to poor Frodo and his very own Mary Sue, in this new epic tale!


Explosions in Middle Earth  
  
~*~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the sexy ones, commonly known as Hobbits. I wish, however, to own Pippin and Frodo (and Legolas.... but I doubt he'll even appear in this story... darn!) And if I must take claim to the Mary, I will. Onwards, ho!   
  
A.N: This story was inspired at Comic Con by Neko-chan (who has many, many, many, stories... Check them out! They're neat, anyways..) I thought that I might finally write the story, since it is the day before the dreaded camp... Oh, and this is taking place in the "Fellowship of the Ring" movie, because it is easier to place. So now, onwards, ho!   
  
~*~  
  
Frodo and Sam were coming back from a long, but interesting and fun night at the bar. Soon, Frodo and Sam parted ways when Frodo entered his home in the forest green Shire. He unbuckled his suspender straps when an odd giggling sound entered his ears. Slowly, he turned around, but he did not see anything. He sighed in relief. He turned around and was face to face to a short, plump, long blonde haired, crystal blue eyed, hobbit.   
  
He gave out a small shriek and jumped backwards. His bright blue eyes were wide with fear. He had heard of Hobbits like these.... They were Mary Sues, and they were perfect. They had no flaw what-so-ever,were very annoying, and they clung to you and never left. Frodo never thought in all his life that he would ever have to be approached by one (well, he never thought the author would torture him so). He slowly walked backwards until he hit the coat rack. The Mary Sue stretched her hand toward him, with a questioning look on her face.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked.  
  
Numbly Frodo nodded. Mary smiled widely and latched onto Frodo's left arm. She began to talk a mile a minute about her trip to Hobbiton and Gandalf. Frodo's mind reeled when he heard Gandalf's name.   
  
"Okay, be quiet you. I need to speak with Gandalf alone. Why don't you go outside and count the stars," Frodo said, trying to act casual.  
  
Pouting Mary Sue said, "If that's what you want me to do."  
  
Then she bounded out the door, and laid down in the middle of the road. Frodo sighed in relief and looked at the smoking wizard in front of him Gandalf's grave face startled Frodo, and when Gandalf asked for the ring Bilbo had given him, Frodo immediately gave it to him. He gave an outcry when Gandalf threw the ring into the fire (which brought Mary Sue running back in, but she quickly ran out of the Shire when she was threatened to be turned into a frog...) Sighing Gandalf asked Frodo about the Ring, gave his foreboding message a nd told them to leave the Shire quickly. Upon hearing a noise outside the window, he knocked Sam on the head. Sighing in relief (and once again threatening Sam with being turned into a frog.... ) he sent the two Hobbits out the Shire door with as much as the could carry.   
  
As a word or parting Gandalf said, "Run as fast as you can... Mary is right behind us! I tried to get rid of her, but she just kept coming back! Oh, and the Forest has many spies, stay off the road. What you really need to be careful of, however, is that darn Mary Sue. She gets really annoying really fast, and she's kind of ditzy... Well that means she's not perfect but you get the point! Well be off now!"  
  
As Sam and Frodo plowed through the forest they heard a loud shriek. The two Hobbits ran as fast as they could away from the shriek, but they were not fast enough. Frodo was sent flying through the air after by the Mary Sue. She fastened her arms around Frodo's waist, not allowing him to get up. Sam brushed himself off, and rearranged the pots and pans that had gone askew from the fall.  
  
He glanced up and saw that Frodo was being attacked by the Mary Sue and muttered, "She has her hands on *my* Mister Frodo. Well, this is not right, not right at all."  
  
With that said and done, Sam picked up the obsessed female hobbit (well, in all actuality, Sam dragged her away from his "Mister Frodo") and *accidently* dropped her in a giant, squishy, gritty, mud puddle. Mary Sue shrilly wailed about her now mud covered and frizzy hair, and dirty clothes. Sam helped Frodo up, and the two walked toward the corn field with Mary Sue whining all the way. Sam turned around to see why she was still whining when Frodo turned the corner. Sam panicked when he saw that he was alone with *that* thing.  
  
Urgently he cried, "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! Where are you Mr. Frodo???"  
  
"I'm right here, Sam," came the flustered response, "Why were you calling for me?"  
  
Sam needed to think of the right excuse, so he came up with, "Before we left Mr. Gandalf told me, to stay with you, Mr. Frodo, and I intend to."  
  
Frodo gave him a weird glance before continuing his way through the corn field. Just as the two (well three if you count that thing that was still whining about her clothes) walked through the crops, they were hit head on by two heavy and large figures. Cabbage, carrots, and other various green crops flew into the air, each landing somewhere near the twisted mess of Hobbits. Underneath Pippin, the now perfect looking, blonde hobbit was looking at Pippin's chest with round doe eyes. Finally after a few minutes of talking, all the hobbits managed to untangle themselves from one another.  
  
Merry and Pippin shoved as many crops into Sam's hand as they grabbed Frodo and Mary Sue and fled from the scene of the crime.   
  
Daunting realization registered on Sam's face and he exclaimed, "You've been in Farmer Maggot's crops again, haven't you?" Then realizing that this was not the only thing that had happened as he glanced down at the food that was currently still in his hands, he threw the crops into the air and ran to catch up with the rest. Not watching where he was going, he ran into the other Hobbits who were standing percerousily at the edge of the cliff, sent them tumbling down it.   
  
Mary Sue (who once again managed to be trapped under Pippin, and was now staring at his ... face, yes, face....) Pippin helped the poor Hobbit up, while apologizing profusely for landing on her again, scanned the ground for food. Mary Sue continued to gaze at Pippin with wonder filled eyes. Growing mildly perturbed by this, he poked Merry and pointed towards mushrooms. Seeing that Mary Sue was no longer latching herself onto him, he was about to sneak away when a small fleck of guilt began to gnaw at him. He couldn't let Pippin deal with the Mary Sue all by himself. It was unsportman's like.   
  
Frodo walked over to the fawning girl, and poked her several times in the side. When he didn't get a reaction out of her the first twelve times he poked her, he pouted. Now, when Frodo pouts, he has an unusual way of getting everybody's attention and sympathy. So, needless to say Mary Sue turned her head to glance at Frodo, the hobbit she thought she was meant for.   
  
"I thought you liked me?" Frodo said with a whining lilt to his voice, and a very *large* pout.   
  
The blonde's blue eyes widened when she realized that she liked both the hobbits. Confusion bubbled on her face, and her mouth formed a large 'o'. Ashy-grey smoke flowed from her ears, and little sparks began to explode from her eyes. Her last conscious thought was, "I am not perfect enough for two!".  
  
A loud explosion echoed through the forest (as did every where else that there was a Mary Sue) and Frodo glanced at the spot where Mary Sue had once stood. Pippin glanced over at Frodo who was now smiling. Pippin cocked his head to the side like a small puppy, and asked, "Hey, what happened to that woman? She was quite pretty, and I think that she liked me!"  
  
Not knowing that his next comment would unlikely come true, since he just did his hero thing, Frodo laughed said, "Shhh, you might make more of them come and attack us!"  
  
Puzzled at this response Pippin shook his head and muttered something that sounded remarkably like, "But I happen to like my women perfect......"  
  
A.N.: Kind of a pointless fic, but at least you now know what *really* happened to the Mary Sues. Oh, and I tried to quote the movie the best I could, but I didn't feel like watching that part of the movie again. Well, (not that terribly cares) I managed to live through band camp. One hundred degree heat, marching and few water breaks, leaves one verrrrry tired. But I really feel sorry for my silly friend Andy, who insisted on doing band camp and football. So, now he has to do football and band camp, and all together Andy is there for like thirteen hours. Yup, I really do feel bad for that boy. Oh well. I hope he lives to see the end of summer vacation, but now *I* can rant about how tiring band camp is, because although he is at school longet than I am, that was his choice, as where band camp.... Well, I just can complain about it. Let's leave it at that, 


End file.
